Sometimes I know I love you better
than all the others I kiss it’s funny
but it’s true and I wouldn’t roll
from one to the next so fast if you
hadn’t knocked them all down like
ninepins when you roared by my bed
I keep trying to race ahead and catch
you at the newest station or whistle
stop but you are flighty about
schedules and always soar away just
as leaning from my taxicab my breath
reaches for the back of your neck
- Frank O’Hara
It’s been a while since I’ve made a mix… but March has had me traveling all over the place, with more to come. Plane rides and train rides tend to have a bit of musical consistency, songs begin to adhere to specific markers. And, of course, this Sunday is the return of Mad Men. Is it gauche to say that the show introduced me to Frank O’Hara? Either way, here goes nothing.
1. Emmylou - First Aid Kit
2. Letter to Elise - The Cure
3. Pawn Shop Blues - Lana Del Rey
4. The Girl - City and Colour
5. Six O’Clock News - Kathleen Edwards
6. Back Home - Gold Panda
7. All I Want - Joni Mitchell
8. Videotape - Radiohead
9. Dory Previn - Camera Obscura
10. Girlfriend in A Coma - The Smiths
11. At Last - Neko Case
Let us all meditate in emergencies. Or run towards the nearest glowing sign. I suggest the latter.
There’s nothing worse
than feeling bad and not
being able to tell you.
Not because you’d kill me
or it would kill you, or
we don’t love each other.
It’s space. The sky is grey
and clear, with pink and
blue shadows under each cloud.
A tiny airliner drops its specks over the U N Building.
My eyes, like millions of
glassy squares, merely reflect.
Everything sees through me,
in the daytime I’m too hot
and at night I freeze; I’m
built the wrong way for the
river and a mild gale would
break every fiber in me.
Why don’t I go east and west
instead of north and south?
It’s the architect’s fault.
And in a few years I’ll be
useless, not even an office building. Because you have
no telephone, and live so
far away; the Pepsi-Cola sign,
the seagulls and the noise.
- Frank O’Hara
Got a copy of Frank O’Hara’s Selected Poems yesterday. Hardcover! There’s nothing quite like a sturdy spine. Also: he is wonderful.
My heart’s aflutter!
I am standing in the bath tub
crying. Mother, mother
who am I? If he
will just come back once
and kiss me on the face
his coarse hair brush
my temple, it’s throbbing!
then I can put on my clothes
I guess, and walk the streets.
I love you. I love you,
but I’m turning to my verses
and my heart is closing
like a fist.
sick as I am sick, swoon,
roll back your eyes, a pool,
and I’ll stare down
at my wounded beauty
which at best is only a talent
Cannot please, cannot charm or win
what a poet!
and the clear water is thick
with bloody blows on its head.
I embraced a cloud,
but when I soared
That’s funny! there’s blood on my chest
oh yes, I’ve been carrying bricks
what a funny place to rupture!
and now it is raining on the ailanthus
as I step out onto the window ledge
the tracks below me are smoky and
glistening with a passion for running
I leap into the leaves, green like the sea
Now I am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again,
and interesting, and modern.
The country is grey and
brown and white in trees,
snows and skies of laughter
always diminishing, less funny
not just darker, not just grey.
It may be the coldest day of
the year, what does he think of
that? I mean, what do I? And if I do,
perhaps I am myself again.
- Frank O’Hara “Meditations in an Emergency”